The past three months have been some incredibly trying strange times for me. Countless life events have happened within the past 9 months. It's funny how you try so hard to finish school and it seems like you are playing a game of hurry up and wait. Now that I am done with school, and have landed "the first real job" I find myself questioning grad school, future jobs and my situation now.
To put things into perspective-
In the past nine months I have finished my undergraduate degree, watched helplessly as my father walked out on my mom while I was on my roadtrip with Courtney. (That was an awkward/interesting dynamic to find yourself in once you get home). Three weeks before my sister was packing her bags for California, my mom was getting ready to fly out and see here on her first few days in her new town, my dad was on a sailing trip in Canada, and we all met up at the same time in Crescent City, Court and I were one week into the roadtrip, Sue was there to see Katie off, and my Rob stopped in to see us on his way home from Canada. It's a little odd reflecting back on our breakfast in the harbor.... likely the last time we will all sit around and eat until a wedding, or some other awkward family function. I am still trying to figure out my relationship with my dad. Unfortunately it feels more and more awkward as time passes, and we see less and less of each other. As for my mom, we bash heads a lot... growing pains mostly. Living at home when you are 23 and pushing for independence isn't always easy. It took me months before I felt OK not sleeping at home. Suddenly I was the "Man" of the house. I felt, and still feel like my mothers safety and loneliness depends on whether I stick around. As someone who is very independent it gets really hard at times.
I had to hold my favorite dog as the vet put her down. She had a brain tumor that was pushing her eye out of its socket and she began to stop eating (She was a porker, eating was her #1 thing). Making the decision to put her down based on her quality of life and pain level was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. Being there through her last moments because my mom insisted she go out in familiar hands was one of the hardest things I have ever done. The decision still haunts me to this day. I can't help but wonder if it was the right decision. The vet wanted to double her pain medication to string her along for another month or so, it didn't seem right. Drugging her to no end just to relieve the pain didn't seem right. Katie had just headed back to California after Thanksgiving. It's wild to think that my sister came home for a few short days and ended up getting to say goodbye to Lucy the morning of her death.
To make matters more interesting, my grandpa passed away in January (mothers father), shortly after Christmas. There were nights I would lay awake hoping that my mom could make it through this year. Getting sick for 4 months and losing lots of weight on top of everything made this one of the most trying times of my life.
I have since started my new job and I am 2 months into it. A steady paycheck is really nice. Financial security is something that I honestly stress about a lot. I am growing to like my position slowly. I am still not quite sure how I feel about being the go to eCommerce guy. I think I'd rather express my talent and creativity in other roles, but hey, it's my first job and you kind of roll with the punches and take what you can get.
The other day I went to the gym for the first time in over 3 months. Those who know me even a little, know that it is not like me to be sedentary. This past year has taken an incredible toll on me. I think I am finally starting my journey to fitness, good health, and relaxation. I developed a lot of anxiety over the past year, it is something I am getting a lot better at managing. I am happy to say that I am feeling much better now, and I am really felling positive and optimistic about the upcoming year.
Courtney and I recently booked tickets back to the Caribbean! I can't wait to see my "family" in the islands again. It will be such a relief to see them again and swim in the warm blue ocean. I can't wait to show Courtney the Caribbean like it is meant to be seen.
Opportunity-
I recently reached out to the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance. I wrote them a very straightforward e-mail that pretty much said, "I want to make a difference, I have certain skills that could potentially make a positive impact. I want to leave a legacy behind. I am young, but I have big dreams and I want environmental activism to play a large part in my legacy."
Apparently the e-mail worked. I had a meeting over lunch with their grassroots organizer. After talking with him for a while, he realized who I was, what I am about, and where I want to take my future. He sees a lot of value in my photos and age. It is still in its infancy, but I could be spending a lot of my weekends on the road directing/filming a short documentary to try and ignite a social revolution in millennials to try and stand up against oil exploration in some of Utah's most coveted wild lands. It would be an incredibly powerful piece to be a part of. I would likely get to interview American Indians, minorities, elderly, people from all walks of life who are opposed to oil exploration in Utah.
I think that this could be an incredibly powerful campaign to be a part of. The fact that SUWA is considering me as someone who could make a difference is incredibly humbling. I am excited to see what this opportunity could turn in to. I need to write a one page letter to the head of SUWA, and based on what he says, it will likely determine how I contribute to the cause and in what capacity.
I am excited to finally set fire to some of my passions. I am ready to use my talents for a purpose larger than my own enjoyment. Few people have a background like mine and the resources that I have readily acquired over the years. I feel empowered, I feel invigorated, I feel inspired, but most importantly I feel responsible for the future of Utah and the West. Hopefully I can set fire to that same passion in others.
Don't Stop Breaking Down the Doors
Kam
