Footprints

I have realized that most of my blog posts have been really reflective. So to keep on that trend, I am going to attempt to make a list of people who i am pretty close to, or have left an impression on me. Hopefully I don't humiliate anyone in the process, and if i do forget you, don't be sad, just ask and i will tell you what i think. FROM THE TOP! (in no particular order, except descending..........)

Clint- The friend i have had since day one- Golf swings are all about what is comfortable for you.
Nate-  Second oldest friend I can recall- There is never a reason you should give up on hope completely.
Julian- My evil twin- EVERYONE deserves a second, third, fourth, etc, chance at success, because success is always attainable
Jonathan- Life is unpredictable, it's ok to be unpredictable in return.
Rhyus- Will power conquers anything.
Alex- Follow your dreams, no matter what.
Jake- Always greet people with open arms, even if you don't know them very well.
Kyle- Don't be afraid to tell your friends ANYTHING
Lindsy- Smiles are often the most beautiful thing you can give anyone
Chuck- Sometimes we should all just look out the window and watch the wind blow
Aram- There is an Olympian inside everyone
Ben- It is ok to believe in things your close friends don't agree with
Zeke- Being short is never something to be frowned upon
Jessica- Stand up for what you believe in
Emily- Love sincerely
Jason- Be comfortable in your own skin, it is the only skin you will ever have
Lincoln- Goodbyes are not meant to be pretty
Dunja- Chase your dreams, the rest will fall into place.
Kenyon- Go with the flow
Nick- You can never have too many pictures
Sarah- Be a goof, always
Jerry- Even when you are old, skiing is still the shit. all day every day
Lacey- Just when you think you have shit figured out, you don't.
Shaina- Don't leave any details uncovered
Courtney- Don't harbor hard feelings for people, it WILL make you crazy.
Jaleem- Trust your gut, Speak freely, say vibes more often.
Joel- Don't be afraid to play music in front of people.
Charles- Growing up poor can leave you with some pretty weird habits, embrace them.
Mom- Love everyone, listen, be funny. Laugh at yourself.
Dad- Be open, Do charity not to be self pleasing, but because charity is good.
Sis- Tell people how much you miss them, Listen to your family, they are all we have.

I know that this list doesn't include everyone. But it is a start. I love all of the people in my life. Life is way too short to not stand back and have fun. We can choose to be happy, so why not?

The world is at our fingertips, Go out and grasp it.

Never Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-Kam

Distance

This will be another one of my ramblings, so buckle up, sit down and shut up.

Over the past week I had the pleasure of reading The Geography of Bliss end to end. Sweet book, well worth the read. through reading i have educated myself with lots of new words, and some KILLER quotes. I had it pointed out to me recently that i am into quotes. Am I? Shit, I am. I LOVE QUOTES. My life has been one big whirlwind the past little bit. Good thing i came prepared with an open mind. Recently i have found myself thinking about the world, and seeing people as energy. This all sounds so ZEN. <---- what does that even mean?!!? I honestly have no great way of putting it, so i am going to stick to the basics.

(I promise I did not drop drugs of any form before writing this post)

I truly think that everyone emits some sort of energy, label it what you will, but for me i am finding that energy describes it best for me. For Jaleem at work, energy is the same as vibe. whenever we meet someone new, or are talking about co-workers. we talk about the vibes they give off. Everyone emits some sort of energy whether they are conscious of it or not.

I really should be more sure of myself in trying to explain what i believe in. I think that everyone should do what really feels right for them. Weigh the options, assess the pros and cons, then go with your gut. I have been flying by the seat of my pants, and making decisions based off of what feels right for the past few months and look where it has gotten me. 3160 miles from the quarter acre plot i call home. I spent a summer in Colorado too. Not a bad life, by any means. It is so obvious to others when we are struggling, i see it in others around me, and i see it in myself daily. The human element is real, we can tell when others are having an off day (most of the time), but not only that, we can see straight through people.

This past week has been CRAZY, work went great, the CEO was in as well as 5 others from Corporate, I met a girl who i think sees me for who and what i stand for, i destroyed at hooker tree (local bar game), i ran past my dream girl on the way to the beach this morning, and finally mustered up the nuts to sit down and share some laughs and conversation on the beach with her, TURNS OUT SHE IS A @#!$@#!$#$#%%^^%* CALENDAR GIRL FOR HOOTERS?!?!!? Conversation flowed easily, we were both laughing, neither one of us were looking too great. She is from Philly and we were both sweating like a fountain in a hurricane. She has only been here for about a month and is doing "Marketing" for the local Hooters, and does something part time with the Miami Dolphins. WTF? She ended up asking for my number and said she'd love to hang out. NO SHIT. I have an interesting feeling about this one,  beyond the obvious good looks, she seems super cool. She even seemed a little shy, (definitely not because of me). AS IF MY LIFE WASN'T ALREADY A PIPE DREAM....... we will see where this goes in the coming weeks, but for now. I am going to continue living my Zen, Buddhist, Hindu, egalitarian way of life and see where it leads me. I am not sure if i believe in destiny, but some crazzzzzzzzzy stuff has happened the past few weeks, that are leading me to believe that i am not some variable in a mathematical equation of the cosmos.

Sorry, I know none of this probably makes sense, and my writings are by no means ever an easy read. Oh well.

Never Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-Kam

Failure

The past week has been intense! I can honestly say I have never reflected so much on my life. The book i am reading probably has a lot to do with it. "The Geography of Bliss" -Eric Weiner. AMAZING BOOK. everyone should read it. I have learned so much the past few years. I used to always hear that I am an old soul in a young body. I used to hate the thought of it, but I have grown to love that idea. I had some customers come in a few weeks ago, from Australia. I mentioned them in a blog post earlier. What they told me has definitely stuck with me the past few weeks. They said after meeting me for a few minutes in the store that, (and I paraphrase) "you remind me of my son, he is a ski instructor too, he loves the earth as much as it loves him, you understand people and have a way of letting them understand you, you speak from within". dang, speechless.

I honestly feel like i live in some sort of fairytale. Even in my darkest hours i find myself full of joy. The other day while reading, I pondered across a strange thought. All of my room mates take either some form of sleeping pill, or anti depressant. I found myself wondering if i have some higher knowledge how to live content, or if there is my tolerance is simply higher for adverse situations. I really don't know what it is, and i am not sure that any matter of science can explain it. I am unsure if i should try to teach them to live happier lives without help from a bottle. To go along with that, would they even find the same state of happiness if i helped them? Is happiness derived from our own struggles to overcome? I honestly don't know.

All i know is that right now i am as happy as i have ever been, yes it is true that i would rather be in the mountains, but this is not such a bad place. My spirit feels free. I have been thinking a lot recently about what holds me back from success, and what i think i need in life. Failure and the chance of death. I think that everyone would be a lot happier and a lot more successful if they stopped fearing failure. Failure is a beautiful thing. many of life's greatest lessons are learned through failure.

Death, what a crazy thought. So many people I know and have met are living their lives grasping for youth, in fear of death. They have lived their entire life worrying about how great they will be when they die. Many religions have put some sort of scale upon which people measure themselves in relation to afterlife. I think this is completely backwards. The life we now know should be about living. Not about dying, after all, nobody knows what it is like to truly be dead, and never come back. My aim in life is to rid myself of fear, especially of fear from which i have no control over.

If we fear death, we fear living free.

If we fear failure, we will never taste true success.



Never Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-Kam

Free Time.

Internet is finally back online. It has been down the past few days. Our providers are crooks, but it is nice to feel off the grid sometimes. The sun comes up at 6 ish every morning, and is down by at least 630 every night. St. Thomas is not the type of place where you can just stroll around at night and go looking through shops and things. The city shuts down at sundown, except for bar's and grocery stores. The bar's suck, most of them are filled with dirty old sailors who are just itching for some young squeeze to come up and save them from their misery. For paradise, this place sure has a lot of miserable white people. The local Blacks love it, they are tied to this island, or it could be that the island is tied to them, i am not sure. You can really tell that they love to be here, the island way of life, the driving on the left, the hard days work only to come home and relax, the playing checkers outside the convenience stores.. The whites down here hate it for the most part. I haven't really put my finger on why exactly, they just seem to.

It has been a very interesting week, we have been getting ready for the CEO and other people from corporate to visit us on Tuesday. I am excited, Jake and I are on pace to break the record for Highest ADPT in the books. Our manager is definitely as excited, she is probably the most pessimistic person i have ever met. This island is literally a jail cell for her. She hates it. It is tough going to work sometimes, knowing that your manager hates it here and is going to be a raincloud all day. Jake and I have gotten a lot closer to the local employees in the past month, because they are just way more fun to talk to and hang around.

The other day Charles and I had the day off, so we decided to hit the beach (naturally). We went to lindberg, it is a fun beach. Just pearly white sand, and lounge chairs with beachy shade things all down the waterfront. It was a good day to just chill and soak up some sun, from our hard days work the day before. (Del Sol set some records we hit over 10,000 with three ships and corporate projected a highball guestimate of 6000 for the day, so we CRUSHED it). It was only the second time Charles and i had been to lindberg. There was a pretty cute girl swimming near us who we kind of had our eye on all day. She left a while before us, but by the time we decided to pack up and get over to the showers, she was just getting ready to head off. She seemed super nice, which is not natural for a local to be very outgoing. We said hi and bye and went our separate ways. Once Charles and I got to the car we noticed her walking along the side of the road and runway towards town. We decided we would pick her up and give her a ride. We pulled along side and asked here where she was going, she was going to the exact same place we were. CRAZY she was a little reluctant to get in, but me being the total fruitcake that i am, had already gotten out of the car in the middle of the road, opened my door and said "you get shotgun!" This apparently was pretty convincing, kuz she was instantly on board. We had a short conversation in the car. She is from UTAH! wtf? she is 23, and has been traveling the work for the past 7 years. She asked for our numbers and by that time we were parting our ways at Del Sol. I don't think i belive in destiny, but this shit is just too crazy sometimes. She invited me to the bar tonight to hang out and watch some of her friends play tonight at the bar. I am pretty stoked to learn more about her, I bet she has some intense stories to tell! I wish i felt like typing the whole situation out, but i don't. basically there are way too many similarities between us to not go tonight and learn a little bit more about her life.

Moral of the story. Shit's crazy sometimes, but just go along with it, because you never know who or what you will encounter if you are willing to turn the corner.

I love and miss you all. I cannot wait to go on new adventures when i return.

NEVER STOP BREAKING DOWN THE DOORS

-Kam

Seastar!!!

This week my sister came down to visit me! It has been super fun having her down here and being able to show here my life. This will be a short post. Videos and longer blog posts to come!

Follow my youtube channel if you would like to see live action of my life from the past 6 months!

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRx0aprdYT7Nu8yvPS6erAA?feature=plcp

Don't Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-kAM

Cherish Everyone

Today was sweet! Woke up early to skim before work, went to work, had two customers ALL day. Two gorgeous girls who came looking for Jake and I. One works at the Ritz Carlton and the other works at the local surf shop. We had a long chat, painted nails, tried on 4XL shirts, sunglasses and free rings. We exchanged numbers. FINALLY some G dang women on this god forsaken island. After I got off work, I hit the beach for a run and a skim session again! It was good. I am really making progress this week, LOTS of cuts and creaks to show for it unfortunately. But quitting never got me anywhere.

Came home made myself another fat burrito filled with the always popular, rice, beans, and cheese. <---- so tired of this shit. I cannot wait for produce and milk when i get home. Our internet was actually working tonight and pretty fast too. Stumbledupon here i come. I have no idea how, but through the magic of random generators and other statistics garbage it led me to this page.

www.details.com/culture-trends/news-and-politics/200905/the-greatest-virginity-story-ever-told?currentPage=5

WHAT A STORY. So funny, if you have ever hung around a bunch of Downs kids, you know exactly how to imagine Otto. This is a must read story for sure. Autistic people are so sincere. Which brings me to my most recent post (besides this one of course). Maybe we all need to learn to be a little more Autistic? Go out try to achieve exactly what we want. Speak from our heart.

Forgot to mention I am picking my big/little sister in one hour!!!!!!!! SOOOO stoked. I love her to death. It will be good to finally spend some quality time with her for the first time in 5 months. These internships have helped me realize how important family is, and see just how much i love my whole fam bam.

Closing thought. Life is way too good to not have a smile on your face. Someone always has it worse than you and I. I am getting off because i am way too stoked on life. and i need to pick my sissy up from the airport.

Never Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-Kam

Open up.

Today was an average day. Wait what?!?! What the hell does average day even mean? I live on St. Thomas, 5 thousand miles from the people and things I call home. No day is average, ever. There is so much we can take away from each and every day, sometimes we just have to look harder to find it. Today was awesome. I went to work, came home and watched a movie with the crew. pretty "average" day at first glance, but today i learned a lot. i learned more today about some of my roommates than i have in the past 7 weeks. I am always looking for new things to inspire myself. Today I was inspired by Charles. Charles has been working on a poem for the past few weeks to give to someone. He is a  very open person, like myself but he didn't tell any one of us that he was working on his poem until today. It was a pretty sick poem I wont lie. It is a story of a raindrop. He sat me down and said he had to share it with me. He was ready to open up his most private thoughts with me. It was awesome. After finishing his poem he asked me in a round about way to figure out how to illustrate it for him. I was stoked, what an honor. This kid that i dont really get along with very well, is asking me of all people to help him brainstorm ideas and pictures to present his hard work in the best possible way. It was neat to see him open up and allow himself to be vulnerable to my opinion (something he NEVER does, trust me haha). After listening to the poem and quickly running some options of ways to tell the story, i was inspired to go and finish a drawing i started a few weeks ago. As with most of my drawings i didn't finish it on my first attempt, and by the time i got around to finishing it, i wasn't happy with how it ended up and rushed the finish. I find i do that a lot with my art. I get tired of my work a lot and just want to start something new, before my other thoughts are finished. This is something i definitely need to work on.

A few thoughts ran through my head while rummaging through websites today, just looking for things. not really knowing what i was looking for, just knowing that i was looking. i found some pretty neat quotes and thought provoking articles.

I found a line in a passage that i particularly liked:


You don’t have to be fearless. Just be sincere.

I really enjoyed this quote. It is something i have grown to realize over the past few years. We can get so much farther in life if we could just learn to be sincere with everyone. Everyone can sense fear, as i did tonight in Charles' voice as he was reading me his poem. But fear can sometimes lead to the most liberating moments of our life. Sometimes we just need to feel the fear, and do it anyway. Be sincere. I need to do a better job at that when i write my penpal. I sometimes get lost in stories, or write things in a certain way, for fear of being criticized by them in a return letter. i definitely am going to do a better job at focusing on myself and how i present the true me to everyone. such as this blog post. why do we use capital letters at the start of sentences. they don't tell us anything new, we know it is the beginning of a new idea, because there was a period right before. who knows, i am probably just lazy.

well i am off to bed. i am super tired. hopefully you can read my writings, i talk in circles, skip words, loose ideas, start new ideas abruptly, and misspell often. it's what makes me, well, me i guess.

Never Stop Breaking Down the Doors

-Kam