Ever since I was a little kid I have had the hardest time making decisions. Luckily my parents forced me from a young age to start making big decisions. Sports have always come natural to me, but wanting to participate has not. I will never forget the day when my dad was going to take me to soccer practice and he gave me a huge lecture about decisions, because I really didn't want to go. That day I looked at my sports in a whole new light. My dad stepped away as the parent who would force their kid to go to practice. If I didn't want to go, there was no trying to convince me otherwise. He would simply just let me not go. I don't think I will ever forget stepping onto the field for practice or games for the first few times and telling myself.... I am here. I am here because I want to be here. I made this decision on my own and I am ready to perform.
I think that lesson will always stick with me. It has been reaffirmed a few times throughout my life. Most notably by a woman in St. Thomas named Ernie. She was an artist, free spirit, well off, former high school art teacher that learned to live life the way she wanted. She ran her art gallery in the vestibule just outside our shop. She never would tell us how old she was, but our co workers let us in on the fact that she was somewhere in her late 80s to early 90s. She moved with such grace, questioning everything, interjecting often, but always welcoming with a smile and a high pitched "Alright" whenever she lent us her ear. She as she said in her own words "Doodled all the way to the bank". We for some reason believed her, maybe it was her sense of fashion, or maybe it was the 5000 Cartier watch she wore. You'd never know it, by looking at her that she was well off. She seemed to encapsulate the soul of the Caribbean people, but unlike many in the USVI, she reflected that energy back into whoever she was with.
Recently I was faced with a hard decision. One of the most consequential decisions of my life. But the weird part was, it didn't really have a whole lot to do with myself. I have been doing research for my internship all summer. I have learned a hell of a lot more about what it takes to bring a product to market successfully and how to keep it successful. Last week I had to tell a single, recently widowed mother of 2 that we (the University Student Media Department for which I intern in marketing and PR) can no longer assist her in bringing her product to market. This lady had spent her life savings inventing a product, overcome hardships, only to be told by some university student that "after months of research, I have found a few serious legal holes in your products packaging and we are not equipped to help any further."
Of course the e-mail was more in depth, the thoughts were lengthy and the explanations were on point. For some reason it really felt odd knowing that I was going to send an e-mail to someone that would surely be very disappointed upon reading it. Sometimes the right decisions in life aren't always easy and as I am slowly becoming more aware of the idea that, When someone makes a poor decision, sometimes you just have to let them live with the consequences. My roles within my internship will no doubt change in the coming weeks. But for some reason I don't think this will be the last time that I have to be the bearer of bad news on a decision like that. It has been an interesting journey. I think I am well suited for PR, but I am still questioning if it is what I am meant to do.
For now I will just keep searching for my purpose.
Don't Stop Breaking Down the Doors
Kam
